Dear Auntie Char

Dear Auntie Char

My husband and I are raising four beautiful children. Our oldest daughter, age 15, has admitted to us that she has been drinking alcohol at parties on weekends. She says she never gets drunk but always has one drink because "everyone else is doing it" and she doesn't want to look "weird."

My husband and I never drink. Alcohol is not served in our home. Our daughter is an honor student and never has caused us any trouble. She says we should appreciate her honesty and not be angry with her. How should we handle this?

— Beside Ourselves in Bebek

Dear Beside,

It is extremely difficult when a child you love admits to worrying problems. I'm sure you only want the best for her, and are scared that she might hurt herself. Please keep in mind that it took a lot of courage for her to tell you about the drinking. Considering your lifestyle, I'm sure she knew that you and your husband would not be in favor of it. Try to lovingly show her the errors of what she is doing: besides being illegal, it is a dangerous position to put yourself in. Then give her some practical advice on how to avoid situations like that. Maybe she could appoint herself to be the designated driver, so she would have a legitimate reason to refuse alcohol. Or she could organize her own parties with people she trusts who would not pressure her into doing anything she does not want to do. Whatever course you decide to take, let her know that you love her and will continue to love her even if she makes bad choices.
-Auntie

Dear Auntie Char

I have many close friends in my school. We all have unlocked lockers in our PE locker room. My friends feel quite comfortable to take things from my locker—my school uniform shirt, my coat, my deodorant—and use them. I don’t mind, but I wish they would put the things back where they found them. I have received two discipline slips because I cannot find my uniform shirt. What can I do to get them to respect my property and my need for “boundaries?”

–Frustrated in Ferikoy

Dear Frustrated,

It is always a difficult dilemma when you have to decide where the line is between, acceptable behavior as friends and taking advantage. I'm sure you don't want to hurt your friends' feelings, but you have a legitimate reason for complaint. First find out who is taking what on a regular basis. If it is the same people regularly pilfering your things, take them aside and gently explain your situation. Set some ground rules, such as always having to ask permission to borrow things. Don't attack them for their actions, but clearly state your situation. Another thing you could do, is not leave your things at school if they are regularly being taken. If you have your uniform shirt at home, you know you won't be caught unawares on a uniform day.
-Auntie Char

Dear Auntie Char

I have a lot of homework every night. At the same time, I want to spend time with my friends, participate in extra-curricular activities, and use Facebook. If I don’t get on Facebook every night, I feel left out. At the same time, I think I’m wasting a lot of time and it is one way I could make better use of my time. What do you suggest?

-- Lonely in Libadiye

Dear Lonely,

Time management is one of those unfortunate things we all have to deal with, whether we are in high school or not. It can be difficult to decide what to give our attention to. First of all, you need to prioritize. Homework is your main responsibility as a student, so if one of your extracurricular activities is keeping you from completing everything on time, you may need to consider dropping it. You could stagger what you do outside of school, especially since many activities only last for one semester. For example, you could play soccer in the first semester, and be in the play in the second. As for Facebook, while it is a wonderful thing that can be very addictive, it should not be your main priority. Set a time limit for yourself. it can be tempting to check your notifications, and then sit around for a while waiting for something to happen. Give yourself long enough to check the latest updates and then sign off. If you prioritize how you spend your time, life will go much more smoothly.
-Auntie Char